Gaming Grub: Mom's Blackberry Cobbler

photograph by Dylan Hartwell
Sadly, blackberry season is now finished here in Cleveland. However, I have picked several pints from a local grower, my dad's field, and the field adjacent to the suburb in which I live. It's a good thing, by the way, that poison ivy doesn't really get to me, as they tend to thrive together. At least, around here they do.

I like to eat both local and seasonal as much as possible and I also love berry-picking, so it is with great delight and growling stomach that I look forward to The first few weeks of August.

This dish, as all my gaming grub posts, is simple and delicious. This cobbler is also unique because it's made in a crock pot. My mom actually puts the crock out in the garage when she makes this to keep the kitchen cool during the steamy humidity of summer (she lives in Southern Ohio).

It is exquisitely easy to cook and makes a wonderful dessert to serve your gaming buddies.

Ingredients
1 stick butter
1 cup self-rising flour
1 cup sugar
1 cup milk
3 cups blackberries

Directions
1. Stick of butter melted in crock pot.
2. Mix flour, sugar, and milk well.
3. Pour mixture on top of butter.
4. Place blackberries on top.
5. Cook on high for 2 hours.
6. Turn off pot, remove lid, let set for ½ hour.
7. Pour hot over one scoop vanilla ice cream.

OSR Blog Update & A Big Thanks!

I am still compiling a list of rpg-related blogs in a public spreadsheet document. If you see any dead links or have suggestions, please either email me at hartwell602 at gmail dot com, or post it here as a comment.

I'd also like to shout a big "Thank You!" to The Lands of Ara for reviewing my Dad's gaming grub recipe. Spawn, it is much appreciated! I also appreciate your massive support as I've slowly come more and more into the OSR blogosphere. You've been a consistent, intelligent, and helpful friend.

Also, for those of you that have expressed interest in editing my upcoming modern horror module, thank you! I had a brain fart over the weekend and am quickly adding in some content, so please just bear with me d4 days longer. I aim to have a draft finished by Thursday, at which point I will send you a copy. Right now, it's sitting at eight pages at size 10 with three large maps.

Finally, thank you, Constant Reader, for the feedback and reads coming this way. I continue to enjoy this little experiment into the OSR.

Free One Page Module: The Dutch Oven (New & Improved!)

Introduction: The party finds a map leading to a marble door, set within the side of a hill. The map also include this poem:

Make your stand and choose a hand.
For those who slay will open the way.
Next pounding steel then marble seal.
And quenching heat at dragons feet.
The final test in scruples rest.

If the entire party reads it together, outloud, the door will rumble open.

The dungeon is a forge and, if completed in order (1-3-5-4), creates either a Lawful or Chaotic +3 longsword. First, the metal chosen in room 1 is heated to white-hot in room 3. Second, the sword must be forged on five anvils in room 5. Third, the sword must be magically inscribed in the column in room 5. Finally, the sword must be quenched and hardened in room 4. Only characters with the same alignment as the sword enjoy the bonus. If a character with an alignment different than the finished sword attempts to leave the dungeon, the statue in room 1 comes to life and attacks the party.

1. Stone steps descend into a rectangular chamber. A 10’ statue of a warrior dominates the center of the room. In each hand is a bar of metal, black in his left and silver in his right. Each bar is easily removed. The black bar is infused with Chaotic force; a Lawful character loses 1d4 HP each turn they are touching it. The silver bar is infused with Lawful force; a Chaotic character loses 1d4 HP each turn they are touching it. Neutral characters experience no effect with either metal bar.

2. A powerful odor of brimstone intensifies as the characters progress. Each alcove hosts a single monster statue. If any character touches a statue, that statue comes to life and immediately attacks the party. If any monsters along the North wall (a-e) are killed, the secret door to room 3 opens. If any monsters along the South wall (f-j) are killed, the secret door to room 4 opens. The monsters are: Fire Beetle(a), Giant Centipede(b), Goblin(c), Kobold(d), Orc(e), Giant Rat(f), Spitting Cobra(g), Skeleton(h), Giant Crab Spider(i), Wolf(j).

3. Stairs descend to a small room with a locked door. The air is filled with an overpowering odor of brimstone and a deep rumbling can be heard. A second set of stairs leads to a small room with an open oven along the East wall. There is a pair of iron tongs 2’ in length set to the left of the oven. If a character approaches within 3’ of the open oven, with or without the tongs, they take 1d4 damage each round. If one of the metal bars is exposed to the fire for four rounds, it will begin to glow white hot.

4. Stairs descend to a small room with a locked door. The air is filled with a powerful odor of mildew and the muted sounds of running water. A second set of stairs lead to a small room with a pool of water covered in a thin layer of mist. The pool is fed by a stream of water pouring from a marble sea dragon’s head. If a white-hot metal bar is submerged, it cracks loudly and crumbles apart under the water. If a white-hot sword is submerged, an explosion of toxic steam billows from the pool, filling the room for 5 rounds. All characters take 1d4 HP damage each round until they leave room 4. Because of the thick steam there is a 10% chance of disorientation whereby those within the room cannot successfully exit. The sword is now finished, see introduction.

5. A huge room nearly 100’ in length. A series of 5 anvils line the length of the room. If a white-hot metal bar is placed on an anvil, hammers magically appear and pound the bar into the shape of a sword. A floor to ceiling purple curtain obscures the far wall. Behind the curtain are two marble columns 3’ in height, one black and one silver. A small opening on the top of each is just large enough for a sword. If a white-hot black metal sword is sheathed in the black marble a thunderclap echoes the length of the room. When the sword is withdrawn, it has a razor sharp edge and a series of unidentifiable runes along the blade. The same occurs if a white-hot silver sword is sheathed in the silver column. If a black is sheathed in silver, or silver sheathed in black, a thunderclap sounds and molten metal explodes from the column. Each character has a 5% chance of taking 1d6 damage. The sword is forever lost.

Edited by: L. Shawn Aiken, Robert Morris, David Macauley, and Carter Soles.
Copyright Dylan Hartwell 2011

New One Page Module: The Dutch Oven

I'm happy to announce my next One Page Module (OPM) called "The Dutch Oven". I've published it here as a post, but you can also download the PDF (for free!) by clicking here. I had a lot of fun making this one and, if you like magic swords, you may too. This is my first OPM after passing the thirty follower mark and had more friends offer to edit. This has been a fantastic experience overall and I really appreciate their critical feedback. Any errors remaining are entirely my own. If you run it, let me know how it goes.


Introduction: The dungeon is a forge and, if completed in order (1-3-5-4), creates either a Lawful or Chaotic +3 longsword. First, the metal chosen in room 1 is heated to white-hot in room 3. Second, the sword must be forged on five anvils in room 5. Third, the sword must be magically inscribed in the column in room 5. Finally, the sword must be quenched and hardened in room 4. Only characters with the same alignment as the sword enjoy the bonus. If a character with an alignment different than the finished sword attempts to leave the dungeon, the statue in room 1 comes to life and attacks the party.

1. Stone steps descend into a rectangular chamber. A 10’ statue of a warrior dominates the center of the room. In each hand is a bar of metal, black in his left and silver in his right. Each bar is easily removed. The black bar is infused with Chaotic force; a Lawful character loses 1d4 HP each turn they are touching it. The silver bar is infused with Lawful force; a Chaotic character loses 1d4 HP each turn they are touching it. Neutral characters experience no effect with either metal bar.

2. A powerful odor of brimstone intensifies as the characters progress. Each alcove hosts a single monster statue. If any character touches a statue, that statue comes to life and immediately attacks the party. If any monsters along the North wall (a-e) are killed, the secret door to room 3 opens. If any monsters along the South wall (f-j) are killed, the secret door to room 4 opens. The monsters are: Fire Beetle(a), Giant Centipede(b), Goblin(c), Kobold(d), Orc(e), Giant Rat(f), Spitting Cobra(g), Skeleton(h), Giant Crab Spider(i), Wolf(j).

3. Stairs descend to a small room with a locked door. The air is filled with an overpowering odor of brimstone and a deep rumbling can be heard. A second set of stairs leads to a small room with an open oven along the East wall. There is a pair of iron tongs 2’ in length set to the left of the oven. If a character approaches within 3’ of the open oven, with or without the tongs, they take 1d4 damage each round. If one of the metal bars is exposed to the fire for four rounds, it will begin to glow white hot.

4. Stairs descend to a small room with a locked door. The air is filled with a powerful odor of mildew and the muted sounds of running water. A second set of stairs lead to a small room with a pool of water covered in a thin layer of mist. The pool is fed by a stream of water pouring from a marble sea dragon’s head. If a white-hot metal bar is submerged, it cracks loudly and crumbles apart under the water. If a white-hot sword is submerged, an explosion of toxic steam billows from the pool, filling the room for 5 rounds. All characters take 1d4 HP damage each round until they leave room 4. Because of the thick steam there is a 10% chance of disorientation whereby those within the room cannot successfully exit. The sword is now finished, see introduction.

5. A huge room nearly 100’ in length. A series of 5 anvils line the length of the room. If a white-hot metal bar is placed on an anvil, hammers magically appear and pound the bar into the shape of a sword. A floor to ceiling purple curtain obscures the far wall. Behind the curtain are two marble columns 3’ in height, one black and one silver. A small opening on the top of each is just large enough for a sword. If a white-hot black metal sword is sheathed in the black marble a thunderclap echoes the length of the room. When the sword is withdrawn, it has a razor sharp edge and a series of unidentifiable runes along the blade. The same occurs if a white-hot silver sword is sheathed in the silver column. If a black is sheathed in silver, or silver sheathed in black, a thunderclap sounds and molten metal explodes from the column. Each character has a 5% chance of taking 1d6 damage. The sword is forever lost.

Edited by: L. Shawn Aiken, Robert Morris, David Macauley, and Carter Soles.
Copyright Dylan Hartwell 2011

Maps: Mansion 2

Work continues on my next adventure. This one is a modern horror setting. Think House on Haunted Hill combined with The Beyond.

All of these maps were hand-drawn and hand-inked. I then scanned them into a program called Activinspire, which is a GIMP-like program, and added the numbers.

Free Maps: Mansion 1

The project I am spending the most amount of time with right now is a bit different than my usual setting. Instead of creating a fantasy module, I am working on a modern horror module.

I can't say with accuracy when I'll release it. I hope to have a beta available for editing within a few days.

Regardless, here is the first of two maps that will accompany this work, which I have tentatively titled "Out Where The Buses Don't Run".

For my module coding I have created "One Page Module" (OPM) and "New Amur" (NA), but I will need to create a new module code. I'm thinking about "Horror Module" (HM) or "Modern Module" (MM). Anyone care to share ideas?

Muppet Dice

Bought Muppet Yahtzee today for the dice. It came with five, full colored six-siders. I'm not sure about the quality level, but at least the images aren't just stickers. The numbers, however, are awfully small, but, hey, it's the Muppets, so I'll make concessions.

Here's how they did the value breakdown:
1=Fozzy
2=Animal
3=Gonzo
4=Swedish Chef
5=Miss Piggy
6=Kermit

Now I have a hankering to buy the Muppets Monopology game and blend these two. Players could replace the typical Monopoly dice with these Muppet dice. If you roll your character, you get a double move. If you roll an opponent character, they get a little money... or something along those lines.

I'd also like to take my old Simpsons clue boardgame and make a weird blend of Muppets Monopoly/Clue using these dice.

Ahem. As you can tell, I am a bit of a Muppets fan. Not as much as this guy, though.

Dark Tower via Weird West

Has anyone else read Stuart's Weird West rpg (WW) and thought it would make an awesome fit for Stephen King's Dark Tower world? I did a brief Google search on the two and haven't found anything along these lines yet. Maybe that will be my final summer project before work heats up next week.

A new Dark Tower book is scheduled for release next year. It's titled The Wind Through The Keyhole. Since WW is so easy to run, I think it would make a neat addition to my book club, which will invariably be reading King's next work.

As a King fan, I've followed the entire bumpy trail that is the Dark Tower. At times I've sung its praises and at others have struggled just to make it the author's note at the end. However, it presents characters, settings, and frequent action sequences that make it an ideal fit for WW.

Any other fans out there care to offer their two cents?

Gaming Grub: Dad's Pepper Dish

photography by Dylan Hartwell

This is one of my favorite meals this time of year and is well received by my regular gaming group. My dad created this dish and I have been making it for several years. I typically make it several times a year as banana peppers and potatoes come into season in my garden. It is hearty, full of flavor, and neatly eaten out of a bowl, making it an excellent dish for game night.

Ingredients
3 pounds red skinned potatoes
1/2 pound bacon
15-20 large banana peppers

Directions
Cut bacon into 2 inch pieces and cook in skillet with lid on at medium heat.
Cut potatoes into 1/2 inch wedges and place in skillet with bacon, allow to cook for 15 minutes.
Remove caps and seeds of banana peppers, cut into 2 inch rings, add to skillet, allow to cook for 15-25 minutes until banana peppers cook down.

Salt and pepper to taste and serve hot with cold Guinness.

Grant Me Revenge!

I've read through many of your (fellow OSR and horror bloggers) dislike of the original Conan the Barbarian movie with Arnold. I have read in silence, but today I break that silence. Today I announce that, despite the numerous analysis otherwise, I LOVE this movie.

Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!

Gencon Revenge!

So, because of family requirements, I had to forgo my annual Gencon trip. D'oh!

The buddy I usually go with, of course, is there having a good time. He even bought me a new Deathwatch book. Sweet!

How, then, do I repay him? Through sweet sweet revenge.

I stopped by his condo, snapped a picture of his new Jeep in his driveway, photoshopped in a busted window, then posted to Facebook with "What happened?!"

I could only handle a couple of minute of his anger via cellphone (he thought it was his neighbor, for good reason) until I fessed up. Oh well, call me weak.


Crom, grant me this one request. Grant me REVENGE!

Battlestar Galactica

Two nights ago I finished the new Battlestar Galactica (BG) series. I watched the first two episodes at summer's start, so I guess you could say this is my BG summer. It was a bit much, in terms of viewing time, so I’m taking a Netflix break. Four seasons and a few extra long episodes make seventy-six, including Razor. As much as I enjoyed this series, the first season in particular, I will not watch the follow-up shows. I’m done.

It’s difficult to write for television; you never know when you’re going to get canceled. This creates intricate story arcs and unnecessary cliffhangers. This is the case with many shows that I have watched in their entirety such as Angel, Miami Vice, and The X-Files and is no different with BG.

When it is known a show is finished, for whatever reason, there inevitably exists a tangled web of characters, plotlines, and foreshadowing that must be woven neatly into a comprehensive and satisfying fabric. It is difficult to develop and focus creativity in the beginning of a television series, but creating a satisfying tapestry at the end requires all that and more.

While the final episode of BG (comprised of three episodes) wove a few pieces neatly and answered some questions such as the value of Hera and projections, it employed Deus Ex Machina for other issues such as Kara Thrace. I didn’t care for that. And although it featured a Planet of the Apes-like revelation (planet Earth), it was diminished by what I thought was an unnecessarily long and tangential denouement.

That said, BG has been groundbreaking and original in many ways. It has developed characters that truly changed over time in a realistic way (one of my big beefs with The X-Files) and has maintained a consistent artistic theme (one of my big beefs with Miami Vice). The music, ship design, culture, religion, and humanized approach to space travel is also excellent. Well done.

So say we all.

New OSR T-Shirt!

Well, here I am wearing a t-shirt I made with some of my artwork and Zazzle. For fifteen bucks (and a few more for shipping) I was able to create this hot new fashion statement. It actually turned out better than I thought it would and I have to admit a certain measure of pride in its creation.

So, now I am pondering whether I will create an online store where people can buy their own. What do you think, should I?

Free Oubliette PDF

If you're into fantasy gaming and haven't downloaded the free PDF of the latest Oubliette magazine, I recommend giving it a shot. It's 47 pages of OSR goodness.

Enough with the Underwear Already!

The movie Mutant Hunt is bad. The acting is stiff, the gore insufficient, and I suspect the old woman yelling out the window isn’t an old woman. Cyborgs walk faster than most cars on the Audubon and pedestrians wear their jeans too high, thus inviting hip attacks (more on that later). Cyborg blood oscillates from ketchup to mayonnaise, the strength of their attacks vary in negative reciprocation proportional to a character’s screen time, and mullets exceed shoulder-length; a huge no-no. Somehow, the most effective cyborg attack is a two-handed hip grab to victims which, with a convenient camera switch to shadows, somehow results in a spectacular beheading.

Nut-punches to cyborgs aside (that part must be biological), this movie had so much potential. Enormous potential! I could have fed a campfire, propped up my wobbly coffee table, or putted my way to an eagle in Frisbee golf if only I owned the disc. But no! I must stream these bursts of rotten excremental ooze through my Xbox via Netflix and am, therefore, denied even the Office Space-esque release of torturing the disc in lieu of the director, Tim Kincaid. Yes, THAT Tim Kincaid, who went on to astound viewers with Breeders, Robot Holocaust, Bad Girl Dormitory, Riot on 42nd Street, She’s Back, and The Occultist, all of which were released within an amazing creative burst of four years.

I can handle poor storytelling. I can sit through ambling plot, bad special effects, and unnervingly androgynous characters. I cannot abide, however, the lack of gratuitous nudity. With Mutant Hunt, I am woefully denied that all-important element of all cheesy horror movies. Hot women exiting showers seem to know a camera with a lurking pervert is nearby as they exit at all the wrong angles and quickly grab a towel. Sure, there are a few side-swell flashes and surprised vixens in bedrooms, but nothing substantial. Instead, my senses are filled with scene after scene of awkward fights with the main character wearing nothing but tighty whities. Yes, that’s right; crotch shots abound in this 1987 classic.

And forget Asimov. The first robotic rule is: Robots may not use conjunctions. That’s all it takes to be a robot. That and sport terminator sunglasses, a haircut inspired by Adolph Hitler, and a determined refusal to run… ever. Oh, and the shoulder pads. Mutant Hunt cyborgs feature shoulder pads that would make a Space Marine weep in jealousy. Seriously, the shoulder pads are even bigger than the extras had from the original “V” series.

If you can imagine a mutant stepchild of The Terminator and Miami Vice, then turn the cheese dial all the way to eleven and feature fight sequences with your eighty year-old grandmother as the stunt double, you’ll get close to the awesomeness that is Mutant Hunt, the only movie to include the line “space shuttle sex massacre”.

Mutant Hunt Cyborg
No. Enc.: 2d4 (2d4)
Alignment: Chaotic
Movement: 120’ (40’)
Armor Class: 6
Hit Dice: 3
Attacks: 2 (hip grab, grenade throw, or choke grab)
Damage: 1d12/1d20
Save: L5
Morale: 12
Hoard Class: XX

Cyborgs resemble emotionally stunted humans wearing sunglasses and black leather outfits with extremely large shoulder pads. They are somehow able to carry 3d6 grenades, which they throw with varying degrees of accuracy. They tend to travel in groups. When reduced to zero hit points, the referee will roll 1d4. A result of one indicates the cyborg regains just enough life to throw a grenade. This roll is repeated until a two, three, or four is the result, at which point the cyborg is completely destroyed and eventually immolates after 1d8 rounds. The cyborgs can also grow their arm to a length of twenty feet for an extended choke grab. Any opponent wearing only tighty whities gains +2 damage and +10 HP.
Mutations: Extending arm.

My Dice

Warning: The following post is of a highly sensitive nature. Only those who are 18 and older may read on.

Gothridge Manor has a post asking players to post pictures of their dice. While this is a very private issue and I am flushing with extreme embarrassment as I write this, I have decided to post these pictures of my dice which I have taken to keeping in a tupperwear container (upper right hand side of picture).



From left to right: "Big Red" is my most used twenty sider. I got it sometime in the late eighties and have used it extensively with Red Box D&D, Rifts, and Robotech. The blue twelve sider is from my first Mentzer red box. Conventions don't always include memorial dice in swag bags, but when they do, I try to keep them. I keep the Cthulhu coin as a d2, having won it in a game at last year's Gencon.

Ode to Guinness & LotR

My dad will never forget where he was when he heard of Kennedy's assassination. My mom clearly remembers when Sputnik was announced. I have my own dramatic memories such as watching the Challenger explosion live in my fourth grade classroom and, fifteen years later on the other side of a public classroom desk, the attack on the twin towers. I will also remember where I was when I drank my very first Guinness.

It was 1995 and I was on a ferry on my way to Northern Ireland with my best friend, Aaron (you'll see him pop up from time to time as a follower and commenter on this blog). I was taking a year off from college to backpack through Ireland, England, and Scotland (the last being my favorite). None, thereafter, have tasted as good, even the "free" ones I appropriated at the brewery in Dublin.


Me at the Falls of Tarf (look hard)
photograph by Aaron Gilkison

This first was accompanied by another. In a ziploc bag, tucked into a top compartment of my forty-pound pack, was a paperback copy of The Lord of the Rings (LotR). As I trekked my own furry little toes across the beautiful isles, Frodo and Sam were doing likewise towards the horror of Mordor. As I bathed in the Falls of Tarf near Blair Atholl, Frodo did likewise in the Death Marshes, though with considerable more peril. And while I did sleep in castle ruins, I never faced down Ring Wraiths there.

Just as with my first Guinness, I've enjoyed parts of LotR since then, but never in it's entirety nor in such depth.


Scottish ruins where my friend and I slept and dreamt of things dark and dangerous.